


Psychoanalyzed Grids Of a Well Known Social Life

by Monsieur_Grenouille



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Alignment chart, M/M, Peterick if you squint - Freeform, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:22:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23755309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monsieur_Grenouille/pseuds/Monsieur_Grenouille
Summary: Pete Wentz, now a 48 year old English teacher, makes a four by four grid.Best Friend, Neutral Friend, Worst Friend.Best Acquaintance, Neutral Acquaintance, Worst AcquaintanceBest Enemy, Neutral Enemy, Worst Enemy.Now, he just has to figure out who goes where.
Relationships: Patrick Stump/Pete Wentz
Comments: 6
Kudos: 5





	Psychoanalyzed Grids Of a Well Known Social Life

**Author's Note:**

> This is legit what happens when you listen to lofi while writing :/

Relationships that people develop with each other are weird, especially when they fall into categories. Friends, Best Friends, Lovers, Acquaintances, Crushes, Enemies, etc. It all gets mixed up in the end, anyway. Sometimes people fall into more than one category, and sometimes you’re unsure where to put someone. Sometimes you get caught up in where others place you, since it’s a different grid for everyone. To answer that question, I set up a chalk grid in my classroom. It was after hours, so nobody was there to join me or judge where I put certain individuals’ names. I started off with a four by four grid, displaying the following. 

| 

**Best**

| 

**Neutral**

| 

**Worst**  
  
---|---|---|---  
  
**Friend**

|  |  |   
  
**Acquaintance**

|  |  |   
  
**Enemy**

|  |  |   
  
I noticed immediately that there is no space for a lover, so I determined that if I had a lover, I would know, and it would be a fact I kept in my mind without the need to write down. Next, I thought it would be best if I made a list of the names of people I’d be writing down. My name is Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz III, so I decided to write that in the top corner, in the blank box diagonal from “Best Friend.” After all, I always want to be within an arm's reach from whomever I consider my Number One. Picking up the white, fragile chalk, I dragged it across the blackboard to form letters. 

Me, Pete Wentz. 

| 

**Best**

| 

**Neutral**

| 

**Worst**  
  
---|---|---|---  
  
**Friend**

|  |  |   
  
**Acquaintance**

|  |  |   
  
**Enemy**

|  |  |   
  
Now that I’ve accomplished that, I think it would be best to finally make a list of the names. Just off to the side, so that I had no difficulties making spontaneous decisions as to where everything goes. 

Patrick Stump

Joe Trohman

Brendon Urie 

Chris Gutierrez 

Mikey Way 

Dan Howell

Andy Hurley 

God

The Press. 

I found myself becoming very vague near the end. God and The Press weren’t exactly things I knew directly. Maybe God was a metaphor for how my life has been pushed along when things seem out of my own control, or the small things that happen. The things I can’t explain, but know happened and saw with my own eyes. Maybe it was just the universe, or how I feel things have been going. 

First things first, I know who my worst enemy is, and I have a feeling of who my true neutral is. So, picking up the chalk, I wrote again. 

Me, Pete Wentz. 

| 

**Best**

| 

**Neutral**

| 

**Worst**  
  
---|---|---|---  
  
**Friend**

|  |  |   
  
**Acquaintance**

|  | 

Dan Howell 

|   
  
**Enemy**

|  |  | 

The Press   
  
The thing with Dan is… I’ve met him a few times and I know he really looks up to me (at least he did at one point, but there are some uncertainties now that he stopped straightening his hair and doesn’t really talk about the emo subculture anymore). However, we’ve never really had much closure or anything. We just did a few interviews, took a few selfies, had one prank call, and then kind of called it quits. It’s that simple, in my opinion. He’s a good kid, trust me, but he’s just a really vague acquaintance. 

And for my reasoning behind The Press, it’s simple. I’m a celebrity. If any reporters see me step outside, it turns into a whole scandal the next day. If I quietly correct the Starbucks person on the spelling of my last name and someone sees it, there’s a headline the next day about how nitpicky I am. It’s really garbage. It’s the reason I stopped Fall Out Boy and started teaching English to high schoolers. Yeah, I still get comments from students who like(d) Fall Out Boy, but it’s not like they're dying to know my personal life details or what method I use to eat Oreos. 

So my list remains. 

Patrick Stump

Joe Trohman

Brendon Urie   
Chris Gutierrez 

Mikey Way 

Andy Hurley 

God 

I began to consider what comes to mind when I think of each person. I think about what kind of vibe or feeling they give me. Whether it’s the warm feeling of sunshine on a bright spring morning, or the burning light of the sun when you step out of your house after being a hermit for 72 hours. The two feelings have so much in common. They’re both light, they’re both sun, they’re both the key sign that you’re outside. However, the connotation changes like night and day. It’s a major split. Although, it’s one I can assign to each person, and one I can assign to my precious chart. Once again, the cylinder of chalk flits its way across the board. 

Me, Pete Wentz. 

| 

**Best**

| 

**Neutral**

| 

**Worst**  
  
---|---|---|---  
  
**Friend**

|  | 

Andy Hurley 

| 

Joe Trohman   
  
**Acquaintance**

|  | 

Dan Howell 

|   
  
**Enemy**

|  |  | 

The Press   
  
I guess this one’s a little harsh. I love all the boys in my old band. They were all I had, it seemed. Ranking them seemed like a task given in Inferno, but it’s part of my relationship analysis. I should give this to my students as an assignment. I wouldn’t have them share it with the class, due to potential hurt feelings, but it could help with the seating arrangements. I could pair people with their true neutral, just to see what happens when I give them a somewhat blank space to either move up or down. If I play my cards right, I might get it to stay the same. And then, at the end of the year, after all the seating arrangements, I could ask them to make the chart again and compare it with their new opinion. 

I can’t focus on school, though, since I’m trying to learn more about myself and how I relate to other close people in my life. I picked Joe for worst friend because I’m pretty sure if I had to jokingly say, “You’re the worst!” to anyone in the band, it’d be Joe. Then again, I’d only say it because he played some kind of joke on me or ate the food I put in the fridge because of late night snacking. Andy got the title of Neutral Friend because he never really spoke much. He was quiet, and I guess I held him close because of the little things he  _ did  _ say, most of which impacted how I think or how I see the world. We bonded really well over certain things, and we had our arguments, but I feel like I should leave the “Best Friend” box open, since it’s one of the main reasons I’m doing this. I want to know who I’d save after I saved myself. 

Patrick Stump

Brendon Urie

Chris Gutierrez

Mikey Way

God

The list was starting to narrow itself down, and I was starting to have to be slightly judgemental. Is it possible to be judgemental if you’re just evaluating how people have affected you? Then again, labels aren’t exactly the way to go. What Would Jesus Do? Jesus would judge everybody because that’s literally his job. You can’t beat me now, religion. I found my way around your little acronym. Wait… Religion. I pick up the chalk, making the most controversial statement of the day. 

Me, Pete Wentz. 

| 

**Best**

| 

**Neutral**

| 

**Worst**  
  
---|---|---|---  
  
**Friend**

|  | 

Andy Hurley 

| 

Joe Trohman   
  
**Acquaintance**

|  | 

Dan Howell 

|   
  
**Enemy**

|  | 

The Press. 

| 

God  
  
See that? I switched around God and The Press. And before you come running at me, just let me explain. God created the world and whatever, which means he set us up for disaster. Just a push in the right direction from him (or her, or them) led to the Coronavirus pandemic back in 2020. What else could’ve started it? God’s kinda got a Schadenfreude aspect to him. He also kinda gave me my mental disorders, which I could just as easily live without. I’m not being disrespectful or anything; religion is just something I don’t care about. 

I just realized I haven’t put anything in the “Best” category. Maybe I should fill in what I can? 

Patrick Stump

Brendon Urie

Chris Gutierrez

Mikey Way

I pick up the chalk (again), then drop it. My back’s just been a little ray of sunshine recently, so I just reach over and grab the other closest piece of chalk. I should really get my back looked at soon, since I’m almost 48 and have back pains. I should also look into retirement or something along those lines. But that’s not important right now I have a chart to fill. 

Me, Pete Wentz. 

| 

**Best**

| 

**Neutral**

| 

**Worst**  
  
---|---|---|---  
  
**Friend**

|  | 

Andy Hurley 

| 

Joe Trohman   
  
**Acquaintance**

| 

Brendon Urie

Mikey Way

| 

Dan Howell 

|   
  
**Enemy**

| 

Chris Gutierrez 

| 

The Press. 

| 

God  
  
I know I shouldn’t have two people share a box, since I want this to be a true evaluation of how I relate to the people in my life, but I just can’t decide. Mikey and Brendon are such wonderful people, and I’m starting to wonder if there’s any room to write “Gabe Saporta” in that box, but I can’t find room and it’d be pushing the limits if I started adding names that weren’t there at the start. However much I would love to write down Ryan Ross and William Beckett (God bless William… no one ever expected him to die that way), it’d be disloyal to the chart and my mission to outline who my friends, enemies, and acquaintances are. 

The thing with Chris goes without explanation. Things have been a little shaky between him and I since that LiveJournal incident in 2005, and we sort of cut it off after a while. We haven’t been in touch and we ended on a rough note, so I think it’s safe to say he’s my best enemy. 

Luckily, to fill the space of Worst Acquaintance, I just have to move around some names and get on with it like that. I still have the chalk, but it’s in between my lips like a cigarette. I have a slight oral fixation, so it doesn’t help to be thinking and holding chalk in my mouth at the same time. However, if I remember right, certain types of chalk can help work as a tylenol or penicillin. I’m not going to eat it, though, since it’s funded by the school and god forbid my workplace provide for my healthcare like most workplaces. The only person left on my list is Patrick Stump, but I have to move some things around first. 

| 

**Best**

| 

**Neutral**

| 

**Worst**  
  
---|---|---|---  
  
**Friend**

|  | 

Andy Hurley 

| 

Joe Trohman   
  
**Acquaintance**

| 

Brendon Urie

Mikey Way

| 

Dan Howell 

| 

God   
  
**Enemy**

| 

Chris Gutierrez 

| 

The Press. 

| 

Me, Pete Wentz  
  
That’s right. I moved myself to the way bottom. It’s not for the reasons I used to have. It’s for a really simple reason; I have nowhere else to put myself and I need someone to fill the space of my worst enemy. People normally defeat their enemies, too, which requires knowing all their strengths and weaknesses. There’s no way I don’t know everything about myself by the time I’m inching closer and closer to my 50th birthday. The only thing I don’t know is whether I’ll be called to jury duty before my colonoscopy happens.

And now, for the final box. Best Friend. Process of elimination states that Patrick Stump should be my best friend. The man I’d do most anything for without the intent of earning love, but instead doing most anything because of love. I wouldn’t have to prove myself to him, since he’s seen me at my best and my worst. He knows my strengths, he knows my weaknesses, he knows everything I’ve been through. For all I know, he can tell my future. If we were in the same building and it started on fire, I’d save him after saving myself. 

It makes sense why I’d lower it down to this. I didn’t have the intention of putting him at best friend, but now that I have to, it makes total sense. You never used to hear the name “Pete Wentz” without hearing “Patrick Stump” follow right after it. We were an iconic duo, and we purposefully shaped it that way. We wrote our own story, interchanging perspectives each chapter. It was only a matter of time before the chapters were written together, at times uncertain whose perspective it was. We were one mind. He was the smart and focused left side, with all his calm ideas and reasonable explanations as to what exactly was going on. I was the odd and spunky right brain, full of bright colours and strange visions. His melodies, my lyrics, our conjoined effort, all work together each song. 

Each song was a singular thought, joining together with 12 others to create an album of ideas. Most of which were strange and blurry, but it gave Patrick and I time to work side by side as the two best friends we were. Nothing really tore us apart until Patrick died in 2020, when he got COVID-19 from an unknown outside source. If only he knew that I became an English teacher. I can only imagine the jokes and teases he’d tell me. He’s still my best friend, whether he’s physically able to agree or not. I look at my watch, deciding it’s best if I just write his name and leave. 

So… I do just that thing. I hold the smooth, white, cylindrical rock between my thumb and index finger on my right hand. My other fingers curl to the side of it, my middle finger serving as partial support. My left hand is tucked in my jeans pocket, flicking a single quarter between the fingers. I hold my hand at an angle, careful not to smudge any other lines or letters I made along the way. 

The writing is slow, and careful. Little flecks of chalk drip off the end, falling down just to get caught by the long wooden board stretched across from side to side. As I write, I start to wonder what would happen if I didn’t erase and just left it up there for my students to see when they come back on Monday. I could write a “Don’t erase” message so I can ensure my hard work would stay intact. 

I finish writing his name, then wordlessly set the chalk down and grab my coat. I don’t take any second guesses, since I have officially decided this is how I relate to other people. Whether it is how other people relate to me is irrelevant. I don’t care. What’s important is that I know who people are to me, and I may or may not use that when deciding who to write, think, or pray about. It’s the memories I share with them and the memories they share with me that inspired the four by four grid I see. 

I walk out of the classroom, looking back only once. I just have to see it again to remind myself of who helped me be the man I’ve become. 

| 

**Best**

| 

**Neutral**

| 

**Worst**  
  
---|---|---|---  
  
**Friend**

| 

Patrick Stump 

| 

Andy Hurley 

| 

Joe Trohman   
  
**Acquaintance**

| 

Brendon Urie

Mikey Way

| 

Dan Howell 

| 

God  
  
**Enemy**

| 

Chris Gutierrez 

| 

The Press. 

| 

Me, Pete Wentz   
  
“Wow…” I whisper under my breath, “I hope he can see his name written up there.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Clean comments! I was trying something new this time, with the grids, so there’s that.


End file.
